What cultural etiquette should I know for London?

The single fastest way to annoy every Londoner within earshot is to stand on the left side of a Tube escalator. Stand on the right. Walk on the left. This is not a suggestion. At rush hour in Bank or King's Cross, someone will physically nudge past you or bark "excuse me" with a tone that could strip paint. The rule applies at every station, every escalator, every time. Get it right on day one and you've cleared the biggest social hurdle London throws at visitors. The queueing thing is real too — not performative, not a joke. At bus stops, in Pret, at the Tesco self-checkout, there is a line and you are in it. Cutting will earn you the most devastating weapon in the British social arsenal: a loud sigh followed by pointed silence.

Londoners communicate through understatement. "Not bad" means good. "Quite good" means very good. "Interesting" might mean terrible. If someone says "sorry" after you step on their foot, that's normal — they apologise reflexively, even when they're the injured party. You'll hear "sorry" forty times a day and mean it zero times. The phrase "excuse me" does real work here: it's how you get someone's attention in a shop, how you squeeze past on a crowded pavement, and how you politely signal that someone is blocking the entire aisle in Waitrose. Direct confrontation is rare. If your behaviour is bothering someone, you'll likely never know — they'll just move seats and tell the story at the pub later.

Tipping catches visitors off guard because it sits in an odd middle ground. At a sit-down restaurant, 10-12.5% is normal, and many places add a discretionary service charge to the bill automatically — check before doubling up. You can ask to have the service charge removed if the service was poor, though most people don't. At pubs, you do not tip. You order at the bar, you pay at the bar, you carry your own drinks. Offering to "buy the bartender a drink" is the closest equivalent and is appreciated but not expected. For black cabs, rounding up to the nearest pound or adding 10% is generous. For Uber, tipping through the app is fine but nobody will judge you for skipping it. Hotel porters get a pound or two per bag. Hairdressers get 10%.

Personal space on public transport is sacred. Londoners will stand in a packed carriage pressed against strangers and maintain the fiction that nobody else exists. Do not make eye contact. Do not start conversations. Do not play music without headphones — this one provokes genuine fury. Eating hot food on the Tube is technically allowed but socially equivalent to a declaration of war. A bag of crisps is borderline. A coffee is fine. A McDonald's at rush hour will get you looks that could curdle milk. On buses, let people off before you board, move down the bus, and say "thank you, driver" when you exit through the rear doors. That last one is optional in Zone 1 but almost universal south of the river.

Pub culture has its own unwritten rulebook. Rounds are the foundation — if someone buys you a drink, you buy the next one. Dodging your round is remembered and discussed at length after you leave. When a group is large, people usually split into smaller round groups or switch to buying their own, but the principle of reciprocity still holds. Last orders are called at varying times depending on the pub's licence, but "time at the bar" means you have about fifteen minutes to finish up. Sunday roasts are a social institution: booking is essential at any decent pub, portions are enormous, and the quality of the roast potatoes is a legitimate topic of debate for the rest of the week.